nobody likes difficult conversations I don't like them I'm sure you don't like them either but sometimes as a leader you just have to have them in this video I'm going to share with you advice on how to have difficult and stressful conversations with confidence if it's the first time we're meeting I'm Kyra Ronan and for the past eight years I've been helping emerging leaders just like you increase your visibility and influence so you can unlock your leadership potential now you can get my advice for free on this channel but make sure you subscribe and hit the notification ball so you know every time I release a new video now let's dig into it so we're talking about difficult conversations at work you know those conversations that make you stressed and nervous and that you try to avoid so this might be giving somebody bad news it might be giving somebody negative feedback it might be telling somebody they have bad body odor or even telling somebody they're fired there's no sugarcoating it difficult conversations aren't difficult but my hope is that with the three tips I'm going to share with you in this video you're going to feel a lot more comfortable and a lot more confident having those conversations because you'll have some strategies and techniques to follow that have worked for me and I have worked for my clients as well number one is understand they will never be easy now you might be surprised that I'm saying this to you but difficult conversations will never be easy to have you might get better at doing them as you become more experienced and as you practice more but they will there will always be some element of difficulty to them if you understand this in a way it does help you deal with it better the problem that many emerging leaders have is they think well I'm a leader these types of conversations should be easy for me but no they shouldn't even for people with twenty years of experience who have probably had many difficult conversations throughout their career it's not easy for them either the only difference is they've had practice with it they're more experienced they know how to do it they might have some strategies up their sleeve and they can also do it with a mask of confidence so the first step is to understand that it will never be easy it might get easier but it will always be somewhat difficult and the second tip I have for you is to communicate your message assertively assertive communication is incredibly important for difficult conversations it helps make what you want to say direct and clear and make sure that there's no misunderstanding but a lot of people when they have to deliver a difficult message or have a difficult conversation they try to make what they need to say as indirect as possible mostly happens if they are trying to avoid hurting or offending the other person so they might take a long time to get to the point they might go around the issue and not talk directly about the issue but everything else around it and I hope that the other person is going to guess what they want to say so they don't have to say it but when you're communicating a difficult message making it indirect and drawn-out isn't gonna make the process any easier it's not going to make it easier for you to give the message and it's not going to make it easier for the other person to take that message it's actually going to make the process a lot more painful for both you and the other person because they're going to be sitting there thinking well what are they trying to say to me am I in trouble and my Fired what's happening here and this is going to force them to ask you more questions and you're going to be sitting there trying to give them this indirect message trying to make it clear when it's not actually clear and you're going to be thinking well are they getting message when are they going to understand what I'm trying to say to them when are they going to relieve me of this pain it is much much easier to give a message directly and quickly to just get straight to the point is easier for both you and the other person and it makes you as a leader look a lot more confident as well for example you need to give negative feedback to somebody let's say they arrive to work late every day and they've been doing that for a number of weeks and you need to have a talk with them about it an assertive and a confident way of dealing with this of talking to them would be like this I noticed that you've been arriving late to work for the past few weeks I need you to get to work at 9:00 a.m. is there a reason why you can't get to work on time I'm going to dissect this sentence for you so you understand the power behind it first I used an observation technique where I said I noticed you arrive late to work instead of saying you're late for work again this is a blaming statement and it's only going to make the other person defensive when you're having this conversation so use an observation statement instead of a use statement or a blaming statement and second I say I need you to get to work at 9:00 a.m. this is an assertive way of framing a request when people try to be interrupted they might say things like would it be possible for you to get to work at 9:00 a.m. or could I ask you to get to work at 9:00 a.m. these are indirect ways of asking somebody to do something for you and because there are question they actually give the other person decision-making power so instead frame your request as assertive request and say things like I want YouTube or I need you to third I ask is there a reason why you can't get to work on time this is a really important question because they may have a valid reason as to why they can't get to work on time as a leader it's your job to find out if they do have a valid reason and if they do then to find solutions together and work with them to see if you can find a solution to this issue being a leader isn't always about commanding things from people this top-down leadership approach is old today what people expect is for leaders to show empathy to show that they can be trusted and the only way you can show you can be trusted at the leader is if you open a two-way communication with your employees and with your team and the third tip I have is to brainstorm with them for solutions so as soon as you've communicated your assertive message try to shift the focus of the conversation to a solution you don't want to stick on the to the problem for too long and try to brainstorm with the other person for solutions to the problem so ask them how do you think we can overcome this problem what do you think are the best ways to deal with this issue getting them involved in the solution will make it more likely they'll stick to it and they'll comply with your request so there you have it three tips on how to have difficult conversations with confidence now let me know in the comments below what is your biggest takeaway from this video which are the three tips will you apply first and if you do use them in the workplace let me know how they work for you and if you want to learn more about having difficult conversations then I have a whole podcast episode on that topic so head over to the leadership part look for episode 17 on difficult conversations and you'll get a lot more tips and insights in that episode well thank you so much for watching this video I hope you got a lot of useful tips and insights into having difficult conversations in the workplace if you did like this video then make sure you hit the like button below please share this with your colleagues and friends because remember it can help them to difficult conversations many people have difficulty with this and if you want to check out my future videos and you want notification every time I release a new video then make sure you subscribe to this channel thank you again for watching and I will see you in the next video